Flash fiction by Michael Botur

Attaboy

 

Don’t get all lookin-over-ya-shoulder on us. Tonnes of business gets done in motels.

Shut the door. Attaboy.

So like I’s telling ya: it’s not about selling unparalleled home heating and ventilation products. It’s about overcomin the odds.

Lemme tell you a story about my path to Regional Sales Manager.

So at me old job and I’ve had a hissy fit and I’ve stormed out and I’ve chucked meself into this swamp at the bottom of the carpark, hoping to leave the world with one less useless insurance broker, then I’ve gone, hang on: why martyr myself when I can murder the root of all my problems?

So I’ve waddled back across the parking lot, leaving a brown trail, and I’ve gone straight to the boss’s office and you know what the cunt does? Gets his secretary to keep my dripping arse waiting til he’s back from lunch.

So while I’m waiting, I hear this voice from above, this angelic sorta humming.

I look up and there’s a HVHS Home Ventilation and Heating Solutions heat pump, and on the bottom I can see an 0800 number, and I’ve phoned it and said to the CEO: Ya can’t spell Heating Solutions without ‘solution,’ and I wanna be part of the solution.

So remember, you’re not just signing up to market a superior home heating and ventilation product to dopey fuckers on the end of a telephone for 45 hours a week—you’re overcoming the odds.

Use my pen if you want.

Attaboy.

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